"not interested" - unfiltered

One of the hardest parts of this online dating thing is figuring out how to politely respond to emails I receive from men I'm not at all interested in. Because yes, I could use the "Not Interested" button - but at the same time, there's the nice part of me that feels like the least I could do after they've made the effort to send me an email is respond with a personally written email of my own that doesn't land me in the "what a bitch" category.

But for a moment, let's imagine how easy writing these responses could be if I turned off the "polite" filter...

"Thank you for posting six pictures on your profile. Unfortunately, taking all six of them in the same spot in the same pose - sitting in the chair in front of your computer - defeats the purpose of having multiple photos. And no, wearing a different shirt in each one doesn't make a difference - because all you did was exchange one Abercrombie hoodie for another (and another and another and another and another)."

"Thank you for comparing me to a television actress who is quite pretty. I don't see the resemblance, but appreciate the compliment. However, could you please tell me what it is - besides my physical resemblance to an actress from your favorite TV show - that you find appealing?"

"Thank you for looking at my profile. Perhaps the next link you check out should be Google Maps, which could help you see that Tennessee (or Ohio or Indiana or West Virginia or Michigan) is just a bit outside of the 50-mile radius I'm hoping my date will live within. While I know plenty of people that long-distance matches have worked out for, I chose that radius for a reason."

"Thank you for thinking I'm appealing enough to wink at a second time. Unfortunately, it doesn't make you any more appealing, because it means you either don't understand what 'not interested' meant the first time, or you don't remember winking at me the first time. Which means that maybe I didn't make as much of an impression as you'd like me to believe."

Alright...the filter's back on. But oh, the temptation!

Where I am: home
What I'm reading: the March issue of Coastal Living magazine


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