being honest...with myself and with him
"The only real mistake, the only wrong and dishonest thing, was ever to have seen him as anything more than that. And all because, in a sentimentally lonely time long ago, she had found it easy and agreeable to believe..."
He is a wonderful person. He is cute...adorable...kind...thoughtful. In many ways, he is exactly the type of guy I want. He says and does things that make me swoon...that make my heart skip a beat. And yet, after three months of getting to know and spend time with Cute Guy, I still wavered...still wasn't sure whether the potential for anything more than friends existed. Which was frustrating. Was I just overanalyzing everything? Was it okay that I didn't feel any chemistry yet?
Then Valentine's Day happened. And as touched as I was by his incredibly sweet gesture...as treasured as the emotions in his cards made me feel...they forced me to acknowledge at last how different our feelings for each other really were. The hesitations and uncertainties that I'd been debating - and been cautioned about by friends - finally fell into place and helped me realize that I liked the things he did and said more than I actually liked him...that I would never consider him anything more than a friend.
The only thing harder than making a decision like that is telling the other person. But I did it. Last Sunday afternoon, to be exact. I explained to him that I didn't feel the same about him as he did about me...that as much affection as I had for him, it was never going to become something more serious than friendship. Sigh. It was definitely not a conversation that I felt great about. But I had to be honest with him...he deserved that. I had to take myself out of that picture before it developed any further.
So it's back to square one I go...back to searching for my Mr. Right. Stay tuned...
Where I am: home
What I'm reading: Shutter Road by Dennis Lehane
(quote from Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates)
He is a wonderful person. He is cute...adorable...kind...thoughtful. In many ways, he is exactly the type of guy I want. He says and does things that make me swoon...that make my heart skip a beat. And yet, after three months of getting to know and spend time with Cute Guy, I still wavered...still wasn't sure whether the potential for anything more than friends existed. Which was frustrating. Was I just overanalyzing everything? Was it okay that I didn't feel any chemistry yet?
Then Valentine's Day happened. And as touched as I was by his incredibly sweet gesture...as treasured as the emotions in his cards made me feel...they forced me to acknowledge at last how different our feelings for each other really were. The hesitations and uncertainties that I'd been debating - and been cautioned about by friends - finally fell into place and helped me realize that I liked the things he did and said more than I actually liked him...that I would never consider him anything more than a friend.
The only thing harder than making a decision like that is telling the other person. But I did it. Last Sunday afternoon, to be exact. I explained to him that I didn't feel the same about him as he did about me...that as much affection as I had for him, it was never going to become something more serious than friendship. Sigh. It was definitely not a conversation that I felt great about. But I had to be honest with him...he deserved that. I had to take myself out of that picture before it developed any further.
So it's back to square one I go...back to searching for my Mr. Right. Stay tuned...
Where I am: home
What I'm reading: Shutter Road by Dennis Lehane
(quote from Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates)
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