forging my own unusual path

July 02, 2008

forging my own unusual path

Wonder when and where and how

you're gonna make it.

One of the most difficult things about being a good friend is balancing that sense of genuine joy for a friend's amazing circumstances with the sense of discontent and envy those circumstances could create. It could be so easy to see my friends' happiness - with their jobs, their relationships, their paths in life - and wallow in the sense of, "Why them? Why not me?" And honestly? I do feel those emotions...not with a bitter spitefulness, but more in a wistful longing type of way. Because it is painful to see friends fitting the pieces of the puzzle together so nicely, while I feel like I'm still struggling just to find the right pieces.

Monday, after accompanying one of my dearest friends to a routine prenatal appointment and getting to hear her baby's heartbeat, my emotions got the better of me. From the moment she'd told me that she and her husband were going to be parents, I've been so excited...but being here with them this week has also been tough. Because I can't help wondering how much longer it will be before I find the simple gifts of career, love and family on my own path.

There's no need to rush.

It's like learning to fly

or falling in love

It's gonna happen and

it's supposed to happen

that we find the reasons why

one step at a time.

Then I heard "One Step at a Time" by Jordin Sparks on the radio...and was reminded that, as frustrating as it may be, everything is going to happen in its own time...that, rather than focusing on the big picture (or lack thereof), I need to remember that it's not going to all come together at once. With so many pieces to bring together, I have to focus on one at a time...to build the puzzle of my life piece by little piece. If it means that finding the right guy has to wait until I finish finding the right job, that's okay. Disappointing, but okay.

Most importantly, I have to remember that it's not about how my path in life compares to others...rather, it's about what I'm gaining from the journey along my own path, even if it sometimes feels like I'm not really going anywhere.