the list of non-negotiables

Shortly after my divorce was finalized, a friend asked me what qualities I’d seek in future guys. Although I was nowhere near ready to consider dating again, I realized it would be helpful to know what I was looking for when I returned to dating at some point in the future. So I started a list of all the characteristics and qualities I wanted in a man. In the almost three years that I’ve been keeping this list, as I've ventured slowly back into the dating pool, it’s grown to more than ninety details. And yes, yes, yes – I definitely recognize that no guy is going to ever match this list 100%; however, creating this far-fetched ideal has helped me understand which traits I would be willing to compromise on, and which I would not.

So recently, another friend challenged me to take those ninety-plus qualities and condense them into five. Eeek. Thankfully, my friend’s a patient guy, because this was no easy task! In the end, I decided that the following five traits are ones I absolutely must see in a date:

~ has a kind and thoughtful nature

~ is well-educated (not necessarily in a formal degree-earning way, but definitely in a global and cultural perspectives way)

~ is well-rounded in his interests and pursuits (cliché, yes…but so important to me)

~ can handle my very independent nature…take it in stride, if you will

~ possesses a good, sarcastic sense of humor

That’s it. That’s what my list boils down to. If a date shows these five qualities, all others are negotiable. Then again, if a date shows these five qualities, the only thing left to negotiate will be how attractive I find him…at least that part's an easy call.

Where I am: Lebanon, KY
What I’m reading: Better Single than Sorry by Jen Schefft