what i wish every guy knew...

“Women should always be the woo-ee. We need to be worshiped, adored. Men should work to get us. It’s like, ‘Give me a reason why I should look at you.’ Women are the gatekeepers. We should all know that, and men who don’t aren’t worth our time.”

(actress Sandra Oh)

Absolutely! I completely agree that a man should make an effort to get the woman…that the man should make the first move. However, when it comes to the art of the pick-up line, some guys just don’t have a clue…don’t realize that, if they’re going to get creative with their approach, there’s a fine line between what works and what doesn’t. And sadly, when a pick-up line goes wrong, it is not a pretty sight.

…like asking me, “where did you get your pretty looks from?” Because that type of question just confuses me…and confusing me is not the way to impress me. (Just for the record, the answer is, “from my mom and dad.”)

…like waiting until I’m leaving the club at the end of the night to say hi…or worse, to make a comment like, “it was nice hanging out with you” when you’ve not come anywhere near me all night. Even when I was on the dance floor for forty-five minutes BY MYSELF. Your lack of courage does not bode well for your potential as a woo-er.

…like telling me that another girl said you looked gay in your outfit. Especially if I know the girl, and know her tastes. Chances are, if she thinks you look gay, I probably do, too – and you shouldn’t want my first impression of you to be ambivalence about your…preferences.

…like wanting to know about my divorce. Because asking me about my ex-husband and the reasons our marriage ended is not – I repeat, not – the kind of small talk that leads to late-night making out.

And those are just the verbal pick-ups. The non-verbal pick-ups can be just as disappointing.

…like thinking that grabbing my arm as I walk by is a smooth move. That’s bad enough on its own…but if I’m taking a sip of my drink when you do this, and end up spilling some of my drink on myself because of this…you better have a darn good and on-the-spot follow-up.

…like not understanding that me stepping away from you on the dance floor when you come up behind me is my way of declining your invitation to dance. And no, following me around the dance floor won’t work.

The worst part is that the simple approach works just as well – if not better – than the creative efforts. Try “hello”…“may I buy you a drink?”…“would you like to dance?” That is guaranteed to be received better than the creative stuff, and means I'm much less likely to turn you down. Because turning you down is not an automatic response. I love it when a guy makes a good first move! Unfortunately, those guys who know how to make that successful first move? Only make the weak first moves even more obvious. So please...watch your peers and learn.

Note: All names and identifying details have been omitted to protect the male egos involved.