did i miss something? - a dating question

I've talked before about how it feels awkward to be dating again, and how I'm somewhat traditional when it comes to the etiquette, if you will, of how dating stuff is supposed to go. I also recognize that in some ways, the dating process is still the same…yet, in other ways, I feel like I may have missed some changes over the past seven years of being away from that scene.

For example…I met a guy last night while some friends and I were out…we hit it off, and there was definitely some interesting chemistry there. But at the end of the evening, as we were saying goodbye, he didn't ask if he could have my phone number. Instead, he asked if he could give me his. Because I had neither my own cell phone nor pen and paper, he did then ask for my number, which I was happy to give him and hope he uses. (keeping my fingers crossed, without holding my breath!)

But the whole conversation raised some interesting questions for me. This is the third time in months past that a guy has not asked for my phone number, but instead offered to give me his. And I don't remember that happening when I was in college. What I remember is the more traditional scene of the guy asking the girl for her number, so he could take the initiative, call her up, and ask her out.

So is this the new standard? That a guy offers a girl his number instead of asking for hers? And if so, what does it mean? That if the girl calls, the guy will ask her out? Or that the girl is now expected to be the initiator and not only call the guy, but also be the one to ask for that first date? I'm just a little confused. So any advice or insight that could help this bear feel a little more sure of herself when it comes to dating would be much appreciated…especially from the guys.

Where I am: Home
What I'm reading: The Secret Life of Bees, and Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix


Drew V. said…
A guy giving you his number serves two purposes, one positive and one potentially negative:

1. It eliminates any notion that the guy is just trying to "collect" phone numbers for the night. It means you've got him right where you want him and can reach him when you want. If he has your number, he can just toss it.

2. However, it puts the onus on you to make the call, and frees him up to ignore it if he so chooses. He's no longer the pursuer, but the pursuee.

Either way, an exchanging of phone numbers should be looked at as a good thing. If the guy wasn't interested at all, he wouldn't mention phone numbers.

Good luck on the prowl!
The Rube said…
I agree with Drew that it's a good thing that a phone number was exchanged. Good luck with that. However, I never heard of this 'rule' change and I'm as confused as you are. There's no reason I can think of for him not to ask for yours, apart from Drew's #1 and I definitely don't agree with that. I hardly doubt that they you'd feel chemistry with is the one to 'collect' phone numbers. Either way, if you're that curious, when you're out on your first day, call him out. Ask him why he did it. It'll either be charming or disappointing and better to learn now for the next time it happens :)
Dan said…
I was always one to ask for a number (which I did so often pre-Katie...riiight...), but I don't see anything wrong with the guy giving his instead. I've heard from friends of it happening before, so it's not just that this guy was weird or anything.

It does and doesn't switch the roles around. As Drew said, he could ignore the call if he wants. But, he also has to be the one to wait for the call. He hopes that the girl is interested because she took the number, but she could have just been polite and didn't want to embarrass him by refusing.

If anything I would think it's a way of putting the girl at ease, because she gets the power.

And just to put it out there because you occasionally post relationshippy stuff, you're pretty hot and deserve someone nice who appreciates you :-)

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