why i always believe in honesty

Consider yourself warned...this will be cynical, this will be emotional, this may even be a little melodramatic. Don't feel like dealing with that? You should stop reading. Right now. Still here? Here goes.

Over the weekend, I received an email from a friend of mine that has my world spinning right now, and not in a good way. This is a friend I've known for fifteen years...a friend that I adore and treasure and love. Our friendship has withstood not only the tests of time, but also countless moves across the country (and in his case, around the world), a combined three marriages and divorces, and most importantly, that silly little thing called mutual attraction. This was a friend I could say anything to, someone I could trust to be there for me always.

Until now. Turns out he thought it would be better to not tell his current girlfriend about me...at least, not completely. Which I don't understand. Because there was absolutely nothing inappropriate going on. He and I decided months and months ago that a "more than friends" relationship was just not right for us. So there was nothing to hide. Yes, we talked on the phone...yes, we had email conversations...yes, I sent him postcards when I traveled...but none of that was any different from things I do with other close friends. But for reasons I don't understand, he (and I quote) "lied to her about the friendship between you and me". Which infuriates me, since he - of all people - should know how destructive lying and hiding things can be to a relationship.

Because the truth always comes out. And when it does, there are always consequences. This time, it just so happens that the consequences mean I'm losing one of the best friends I have. He said: "in wanting to fix my relationship, and the trust that I broke with her, I have to end our friendship." There are no words to capture how deep my anger and hurt is...to describe how furious I am to be losing such a dear friend because he made such a stupid mistake. As with all of my friends, his happiness is so very important to me...so I'm glad he's found someone that he wants to struggle with through the difficulties of a new relationship. It just hurts so much to realize that, in order for him to be happy, I have to say goodbye. This is a friend I thought I'd have for a lifetime, and it's sad to realize I won't.

Where I am: Mom and Dad's
What I'm reading: Brother Odd by Dean Koontz


Baxter said…
*warning: This is Baxter being cynical with you* Yeah, it sucks to find out that the people you thought would be your friend no matter what have conditions. Especially when the conditions really have absolutely nothing to do with you, they have to do with the new people in their lives. How is it that the people we least expect to hurt us manage to hurt us the most? I suppose it's because they have that power...
The Rube said…
I thought this kind of stuff only happened on TV shows...
You ever hear the expression 'bro's before ho's'? Well, I think it applies to your relationship and it's pretty crappy on his part to be doing this to you.
Now, what if this relationship just doesn't happen to work out? Will he come crawling back to you? Will you take him back as a friend?
Not an easy position to be in either way...
This is why I'm still in 'men suck' mode.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

And addressing The Rube's comment - if he comes crawling back, don't feel the least bit bad about slamming the door in his face.

Or in the least, make him work for it.

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