finishing what I started
Last night, I finally finished an album that I'd been working on for the past three years...but that some people felt I shouldn't bother with after the drama of last summer. Why? Because it's an album for the former mr. sleepeybear - an album I'd begun making for him when our life was still good, to commemorate his five years in the military. Suggestions for what I should do with it ranged from the minor (toss it) to the extreme (burn it)...and they definitely didn't include finishing it. But even though it's taken me this long to complete it...even though I had to build some pretty strong emotional barriers to be able to work on it...I never considered not finishing these pages. Why not? First and foremost, because I hate the idea of not finishing something I've started. I put a lot of effort into getting this album underway, so it seemed like a waste to not follow through.
But underneath that desire for completion was something more emotional, something more personal. Perhaps my most compelling reason for finishing this album was because he didn't think I would. Basically, I wanted to prove him wrong. To prove that I'm a better person than he seemed to think I was at the end of our relationship. To prove that I could never be the vindictive scorned woman who just throws someone else's things away...even though he seemed convinced that's who I was going to be, and truly believed that he'd never see the photos and other items in this album ever again. And yes, I was pretty offended to think that's how he saw me in the last few months of our interaction. But it also helped me realize that he didn't really know me anymore...and maybe he never had.
So I finished his album. To prove him wrong...to have the last word...to give myself closure...and to revel in that feeling known as "being the bigger person" and "doing the right thing"...even if my motives are purely selfish. Because I do hope he likes it...but most of all, I hope he thinks of me every time he sees it.
Where I am: Home
What I'm reading: the latest Chronicle of Higher Education
But underneath that desire for completion was something more emotional, something more personal. Perhaps my most compelling reason for finishing this album was because he didn't think I would. Basically, I wanted to prove him wrong. To prove that I'm a better person than he seemed to think I was at the end of our relationship. To prove that I could never be the vindictive scorned woman who just throws someone else's things away...even though he seemed convinced that's who I was going to be, and truly believed that he'd never see the photos and other items in this album ever again. And yes, I was pretty offended to think that's how he saw me in the last few months of our interaction. But it also helped me realize that he didn't really know me anymore...and maybe he never had.
So I finished his album. To prove him wrong...to have the last word...to give myself closure...and to revel in that feeling known as "being the bigger person" and "doing the right thing"...even if my motives are purely selfish. Because I do hope he likes it...but most of all, I hope he thinks of me every time he sees it.
Where I am: Home
What I'm reading: the latest Chronicle of Higher Education
Comments
Our strength is measured by how we deal with the adverse and unexpected. I think you're doing quite well...I'll raise a glass to closure and moving on to better days.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go throw out a framed picture from one of my ex boyfriends (LOL)...
Nice site you have here Lee!
Mellissa