God, are You sure?

A friend in grad school had this great saying, that God never gives you more than He knows you can handle. Basically, it was a very comforting way of remembering that no matter what life may bring to us, we will always have the strength and courage to succeed, even if we have to dig deeply for it, and that because He sees that in us, He's not averse to putting us in difficult situations. And most days, I believe very strongly in this...I believe that God may offer us huge challenges to help us grow and learn, but that He would never put such a large rock in our path that we can't get over it (or around it) somehow.

But every now and then, I wonder if God really knows for sure how much potential we have left inside of us. I mean, in my heart I know He does...that's part of the privilege of being Him, knowing everything and knowing it with confidence. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, I look at the expectations and challenges that He lays before me, and wish He didn't have such great faith in me. Because there are some days when I don't feel like living up to grand expectations, days when I feel like I have entirely too much on my plate and would gladly drop the entire plate, rather than make sense of everything on it.

I just wish I could be as sure of myself as He is, as confident in my abilities as all the people around me are. Even though I know on the surface that I'm doing a good job and laying a solid foundation for expansion within my fraternity, deep inside I always feel like I should be doing better, doing more. So I can't help but ask Him sometimes if He's completely sure that He has the right person for the job when He lays down some of these rocks in the road. Because there have been a lot of big boulders lately...and you know what? I wouldn't mind an empty stretch of road, even for just a little while.

Edited: Later this afternoon, I found this really great quote that, to me, spoke very sincerely to why I worry so much about the quality of the work I do.:

"I believe that you have to make a serious effort if you want it to work. You have to take a chance and you have to be willing to make a mistake or admit that you don’t know how to do something. I also think you have to surround yourself with people who encourage you and your vision. It’s very difficult to overcome your own fears let alone take on someone else’s issues. Realize your strengths and weaknesses and don’t be afraid to delegate if you need to. And lastly, be true to your own creative vision and only make what you love."

Perhaps because I love what I do so much, the idea of making a mistake scares me and adds another nugget of pressure to an already pressure-laden position. But because I do have people who believe in me and encourage my vision, I realize that I shouldn't be so afraid to fail. I still wouldn't mind a briefly rock-free path, though.

Comments

Baxter said…
That's the pitfall of loving your job so much--the fear of failing at it. Or not living up to your own expectations of what you can do. And I'm sooooo glad that God's got faith in me, because I know I don't have as much faith in me as He does!

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