Break-up Algebra

I'm reading this really cool book right now, The Breakup Book...A Girl's Guide to Putting the Pieces Back Together, and they have this formula to determine how long it will take to distance yourself from your ex: (I apologize in advance for any confusion created by my bad formatting)

D = R [1/b + (p+f)/1 + 3.14(s-cubed)] x T (v + c + a)

D = how long it will take to distance yourself (in months)
R = rate his looks on a scale from 1 to 10
T = amount of time you were together (months)

b = number of times you've already broken up
p = 0 if your parents liked hime, 5 if your parents didn't
f = number of close friends you have in common (or 1,439 if you have no other friends)
l = number of miles away that he lives (or .5 if you lived together)
s = volume of his stuff that you're secretly keeping

v = tan (number of tropical vacations you've taken together)
c = sin (number of times he cheated on you...use 1/c if you cheated on him)
a = cosine (amount of money you have in a joint checking account)

So here's that formula again, this time with my numbers:

D = 9 [1/1 + (0+0)/.5 + 3.14(0 x 0 x 0)] x 63 (0 + 0 + 0)

Do you know what that equals? It equals a big fat zero. So, according to this formula in this book, it will take me zero months to distance myself. Did I do the math wrong? (If I did, please let me know!) Is this formula rigged to boost its users' self-esteem and spirits, no matter what their answers are? Is this one of those experiments in the power of suggestion, that if I tell myself it won't take me any months to recover emotionally, that it will actually happen?
Well, even if it is silly rhetoric, it made me laugh. And that, my friends, is the best medicine.

Where I am: Home


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